Theres a three-legged beagle
Who lays there spread eagle
On the driveway outside Pattis trailer
He looks like hes sleepin
But he knows shes dealin
And that shes been bonin the neighbor
Theres a mean little poodle we call Cranky Doodle
Ridin high in Lynnettes Vera Bradley
Hell take to the grave that her husband is gay
Cause Doodle likes chewin his panties
If these dogs could talk
Theyd sure tell on you
Were all lucky barkin is all they can do
They dig up your secrets
They know all your trash
The tales they could tell
The tongues they could wag
God knows what theyd say
Might ruin your day
If these dogs could talk
Theres a brown mutt named Patience
Shes always waitin
For scraps outside of the diner
When Leroy is servin, one things for certain
A hamburger steak always finds her
He may be a meth head who smokes up his paycheck
But everyone needs a best friend
She may be blind, but she sees him just fine
And dont care what they say about him
If these dogs could talk
Theyd sure tell on you
Were all lucky barkin is all they can do
They dig up your secrets
They know all your trash
The tales they could tell
The tongues they could wag
God knows what theyd say
Might ruin your day
If these dogs could talk
They could sniff out the cheaters, point out the liars
Shit on their lawns and piss on their tires
They can smell kindness
So maybe be kinder
And dont even think about kickin one
They dig up your secrets
They know all your trash
The tales they could tell
The tongues they could wag
God knows what theyd say
Might ruin your day
If these dogs could talk
God knows what theyd say
Might make someones day
If these dogs could talk