The pain so violent it tears me apart,
It has spread from my heart to my loins.
To love, to lose, to love and make lost
Now I sleep in a permanent noise.
And you know who you are and you know that I love you
And you know who you are and you know that I love you
And you know the depth of my soul in your heart
In a stormy regard, its hovered above you.
But this torment is living and real
And my failure to heals paying homage to what I concealed.
My skin hurts more than Id like to admit
And much more than Id like to reveal
Its like a passion to die just exists in my brain and I fight it with all that I have
Makes me want to remove all my fingernail beds just to put a new pain in my hand
And push the soft tips through my wrists without piercing the skin that has covered this hell
And let the blood drip through my inner corrosion, if only I knew, I could tell.
And then silence… Ive finally broken the skin,
My insides, they reek of pollution.
Like a testament to the fact I abuse
Myself with a false resolution.
I choke on a vomited heart while I try to digest the new love I consume
I soak an inconsummate death in a morbid request to divest and subdue.
Yes, Im too weak to move
Yes, too weak to respond
And the strength in my grip can no longer hold on
So remove the supple limbs from my artery
That insecure grip is becoming a part of me.
To live in a nightmare and love without life
Is like slicing your neck with a dull butter knife
Is like wishing for death and receiving more life
Or refusing salvation while holding your Christ
Or erasing your heart but saving the shreds
Of the item you used to lose thought from your head
Or tearing your face off to know who you are,
Thinking people will see you defacing your scars.
But Im fighting myself now to settle the score,
And Im keeping my face in a jar by the door,
But Mackenzie knows that I dont stand alone
So my eulogy, suitably, wont be unknown.
But we are much more than this world that we know
And you know that I know that youve showed me it all
And you know that Im not what the world thinks I am
And the world can go fck itself – Im only a man
The fairytales foster ambition – So wrong?
Thats why I cry, while I seek to be strong
Thats why youve loved when you sought to be closed
Thats why your magnificence is overexposed.
And I love you much more than you choose to believe
But I send it much less than you choose to receive
And outside of the shell for my soul thats my body
Your strength penetrates the state I embody
Your beauty is something I carry within
And it carries me when my shells wearing thin.
But Ill never give up – now I live by the second.
Every inkling of pain is a beautiful lesson.
Somewhere the moons whole when it shows you a crescent
Sometimes my resolve is an answerless question.
Because of my setbacks, frustrations, and such
You question my sincerity along with my love.
But inside you theres truth and you know where it sits
You know exactly who I am – through my heart – and thats it.